Most awkward place to break down

[Great War truck]

We have all done it. On the roundabout outside Tesco's, at a busy junction, blind bend, on a level crossing or at the entrance to a showground. So what is the worst place that you have either broken down, stalled, or caused massive traffic congestion.

 

I have two entrys worth consideration. The first in our tipper Autocar "Lazy Susan". We were negotiating a very long hill outside Sidmouth in Devon, and it was only firing on one cylinder, doing less than 1 mile an hour. With no where for us to stop or the caravans behind us to pass, the traffic was really building up behind us and we new it had gotten really bad when the Police helicopter hovered overhead for a while.

 

When we got to the top we managed to pull over and let the miles long queue overtake. Remarkably we only got abuse from just one car.

 

The second entry is by the Canadian Motor Machine Gun Corps as evidenced in this much published picture of the time.

 

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c309/Greatwartruck/AutocarCanadian7.jpg[/img]

 

Strangely enough this was also an Autocar albeit armoured, which broke down in a French village as a German Batallion was entering from the other side. All but two crew members had been killed or injured. One dismounted a machine gun and held off the Germans with that while the other one worked on the truck. When he got it going the both jumped in and they drove off at speed, leaving Chaos behind them.

 

Often i have stood at a rally field swinging the staring handle with a crowd of amused on lookers watching while the other MV's are heading off to the arena. The sense of urgency can never quite be replicated as that of when there is horde of Germans charging down the road towards you and you are relying on a mate to hold them off while you are swinging on that same damned handle. "This time, this time it will fire, fire you b*****d, fire, come on, dont let me down, argh, fire, come on, one more try, fire, come on, this time, next time, ah, well done, i knew you could do it".

 

Tim (too)

[Jack]

Great thread Tim......this is going to be an interesting one! :-D

[hardyferret]

A very interesting place to break down just out side Bere Regis********* censored till Dodgey pays the shush.................

 

 

Hardyferret

[79x100]

I think that there is a universal law which probably applies to any vehicle not fitted with an electric starter :-

 

"Ease of starting is inversely proportional to the size of the attendant audience"

 

An engine that starts with half a turn when no one is around becomes an absolute b****r when the "I used to have one like that, they don't make 'em like that anymore" brigade are out in force. :-)

[Marmite!!]

In the Fox on the bridge going in to America's Field at Beltring... :roll:

[AlienFTM]

Autumn of 76, patrolling the Green Line between Greek and Turkish Cypriots on the outskirts of Famagusta, aka Farmer G. Must have been based at the box factory at Ayyios Nikolauos (sp) aka Aye Nick. Must have been in the Swedish UNFICYP zone (give us a break: it's 30 years ago ;o).

 

Drove Mark 2/3 Ferret 01EC28 out of the box factory and all was well. Patrolled as far as the first Swedish Observation Post. Carried out a halt parade. Eye drawn to the first traces of oil behind a front wheel. Memo to self: keep an eye on that.

 

Next halt parade at the next OP, I noticed that whereas one front wheel was aligned with the hull, the other was slightly but noticeably toe-out. Drove round the DMZ around the western edge of the ghost city Farmer G, long since emptied of British Sovereign Base families and totally looted by occupying Trukish forces. Though it was rumoured that the main street in Farmer G appeared totally untouched. But that was because the UN occasionally drove through there and it was meant to look untouched. Apparently the city was like the set of a Western: everything was fake behind the facades..

 

We reached the coast at Fig Tree Bay (which I believe is now a tourist hot spot). In those days only our own C Squadron (based in the ESBA) and we, B Squadron 15/19H, UNFICYP Force Reserve Squadron ever visited Fig Tree Bay.

 

Our gloss white UN Ferrets looked much smarter (and, strangely, bigger) than C Sqn's olive and black Ferrets.

 

We set off back round the outskirts of Farmer G. Just getting to the most sensitive spot on the Green Line and my front whells went in opposite directions, each now toe out by about 30 degrees. Section commander left us and went after recovery. We sat under Turkish guns investigating the four-man Compo pack stowed on a rear mudguard in case of breakdown.

 

---ooo0ooo---

 

Which brings me to another embarrassing breakdown.

 

We'd been in-theatre (UNFICYP again) a week or two, maybe a month before the above tale.

 

We had to travel to the ESBA to zero our Small Metal Guns (come to think of it we never did zero the Three-Oh Brownings in the Ferret turrets). We travelled down from our base at UN HQ in Nicosia through Larnaca and on toward Dhekelia in a UN Leyland Sherpa minibus. During the recent war, the furthest Turkish advance south of Nicosia had been to cut the main road between Nicosia and Larnaca, and only the UN were allowed to traverse the Trukish Zone. Everybody else had to take the scenic route further west.

 

We got to the ranges and got off the bus, only to find there had been an administrative Pimmel-auf, so we got back on the bus, turned round and headed back to Nicosia. As we traversed the Turkish Zone, we marvelled at their forts high up on the hilltops. There is a stretch of road where UN vehicles are proscribed from stopping. At the bend in the road at the northern end there is a cairn comprising three UN blue helmets in memory of three Australian Civilian Police (AustCivPol) attached to the UN who were napalmed by a Turkish jet and thereafter all UN vehicles have always been painted gloss white with highly reflective UN badges. Not a good place to break down. So we did.

 

While we nervously (we were new in theatre) awaited recovery, we became aware that a squaddie had become detched from the fort on the nearest hilltop and he was sandsurfing down to us.

 

He approached our vehicle and asked, "Cigarette?" Somebody gave him a packet and he legged it back up the hill, pleased as Punch.

 

---ooo0ooo---

 

Halfway through the tour, it was again decided we'd zero the SMGs. This time our section would call in from patrol. As Troop Leader's driver, I led. A farmer pulled his tractor into the road as I passed. I was able to swerve and avoid him without slowing from flat out. The driver of the second vehicle was less lucky (but not as unlucky as the tractor driver, whose clapped out old tractor, his pride and joy, broke in half).

 

---ooo0ooo---

 

Back to the box factory. We'd finish a patrol, park up the Ferrets and chill. Being billeted in a derelict box factory, smoking was not permitted indoors, so the smokers in the Troop would go out the front door and round the corner into the wind shadow for a quick drag. We junior ranks had not been aware of just how close we were to the Turkish lines.

 

I was stood outside the front doors when a colleague walked round the corner, putting out his fag, looking pale.

 

"I was smoking on me tab when a voice called, 'Gizza fag mate' in a loud cockney accent from nowhere." (Our regiment recruited from the North East, though my colleague was a Jock.)

 

When the request was repeated, Jock realised that the request was actually coming from the Turkish trenches.

 

"Wittafu?!?!?" exclaimed Jock. As UN troops we were supposed to be neutral and proscribed from speaking to the belligerants. However, being out of sight and out of mind, he pressed for clarification.

 

As Tommy Turk put it, "I'm a cockney ain't I? Chelsea supporter. But half Turkish. I went over to Istanbul to see me pop in 1974 and the barstewards conscripted me didn't they? I've been in this trench for two years."

 

Edited cos I cannot believe that the expletive checker objects to the letters cock in cockney

Edited again cos I found another instance of cockney. grrr

[Guest qtronics]

Hi all,

 

I’ve got a good one on this, not really an awkward place to break down just stupid.

 

After having bought my first VW beetle, and then leaving it sitting in the drive rusting away I decided to move. So, right time to get it back on the road (after 10 years of it being off the road and not being used). Leaving all the work to the last minute, just a month before moving, I took 2 weeks off work to sort the car out.

 

There was lots of work to be done, had to lift body shell off the chassis, and I would say it’s about 60% new parts now.

 

Anyhow, 3 days before moving I take the car to the MOT centre, lovely, the bloke tells me the head light aim is not right, but he adjusts it and I walk away from the centre with my MOT, perfect.

 

Feeling really pleased with all my hard work, I get in the car and drive off, just as I pass the gates of the MOT centre, the engine cuts.

 

And think mmm, bugger, so I start inspecting it, engine turns over fine, electrics working. Fuel getting to the cylinders. So after an hour or so I have to call the break down truck.

 

Needles to say the guys at the MOT centre had a good laugh

 

Kinda ironic hey. All fun and games

 

Al.

 

[Jessie The Jeep]

driving my jeep in France, approaching a busy roundabout, pressed the brake pedal which prompty went straight to the floor :shake:

 

Fortunately I missed everything on the roundabout and pulled off the road. Master brake cylinder died!

 

I was still 5 miles from the camp site on the last day of my holiday and had two choices to get home.....

 

1) slow through the town with lots of breaking

 

or

 

2) fast (ish) on the motorway where I'd only need to break once at the end!

 

I chose the second option and made it back to the camp site using the gearbox and handbrake to slow down.

 

Steve

[Great War truck]

All great storys. Here is another classic photo of an Autocar (sorry another one). Sometimes it takes a special sort of skill to get yourself in a ridiculous position.

 

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c309/Greatwartruck/Autocarinahole.jpg[/img]

 

Tim (too)

[fv1609]

Bere Regis roundabout on the way to Tank Museum about 20 years ago. The rear off side wheel (now in the foreground) of this Shorland came off & propelled itself across the road through a hedge & into the green fields beyond. Here being rescued by Dick Shepperd who recovered it to Bovy where the wheel was welded onto the stripped studs.

 

Note the extraordinary painting of the Shorland high gloss Deep Bronze Green with disruptive IRR Matt Black!

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v684/fv1620/27BT6827.jpg[/img]

[saracenstump]

mines got to be east tilbury village in essex,blocked it for 2 hours, the buses were driving on the pavement to pass :roll:

[Old Bill]

How about this one? 5pm at Hyde Park Corner, London on a Wednesday afternoon. The car, a 1902 James and Browne just died. A quick tinker with the trembler coils and then turn the handle. Unfortunately, this car has a transverse engine so the handle goes in the off-side and one stands in the traffic to swing it. Hairy or what?!

 

Steve

[Enigma]

Years ago a friend and me went on a holiday to the Ardennes in my M38.

The first camping was "full" :? , well a green Jeep and a longhaired driver wasn't very wellcome I think.

So we drove the Jeep in the woods and slept onder a tarpaulinn next to the Jeep.

 

Somewhere on the way beck near Eupen we wanted to go in the woods again via a trail. Not allowed.

To block it a little was of earth was laid there. :-)

Ah, no problem we thought we have 4X4 and drove on it.

OH OH, it was very soft ground, we went over it and sank on to it with all wheels on either side with the belly stuck in the soft wall. OOPS. :oops:

 

So we took the Jack, damn , we drove it into the soft ground. Lifting? No good.

Wood onder the wheels, nope.

That meant digging it free from left to right.

 

Offcourse we got spotted by a forestwarden :nono:, well actually 2 independent of each other - crap....

In my best French (which isn't very good) I managed to tell him somebody said to go there and left.

Guess the guys thought the trouble we had was punishment enough.

 

OK, so were digging and its getting dark (like our mood).

In the twilight we were being annoyed by little flies which OFFCOURSE later turned out to be mosquito type things :argh:.

Later we looked like we had Measels or small pocks, especially my friend had a long time of itching from it.

 

In the end we got free and drove to find another sleeping place not saying 1 word to each other. LATER we could laugh at it.

[Jack]

............haven't broken down yet (smug laugh) :-D

[Enigma]

............haven't broken down yet (smug laugh) :-D

 

 

So now your pushing your luck mate.

You'll never hear the end of it if you do, especially in a parade.....

[Jack]

So now your pushing your luck mate.

You'll never hear the end of it if you do, especially in a parade.....

 

 

Mate, it ain't going to happen........what with my mechanical skills!

[Degsy]

You got a direct line upstairs Jack? After comments like that I think you might just be needing it.

[ArtistsRifles]

So - what odds are offered on:

 

1) how soon it happens :shake:

 

2) how high up the embarassment scale it will be :shake:

 

for poor old Jack!!!!

[paul connor]

way back from War and Peace 06.

 

While dropping a friend back to his car on some industrial estate, Pig started to gain a misfire, loss of power, now on roads i did not know, i was crossed with a hill, and a long one with lots of nice blind bend!

 

You guessed it! running on two! ground to a hault! got out, checked the fuel,changed to jerry can direct feed.. started! ran! lovely!

 

Off we went, same thing, but worse!

 

Stoppped, checked points, plugs, all ignition... fine, started ran! great!

 

mile later! engine cutting in and out, stalling! what the hell was it!

 

pulled into a pub layby! great! at least its 2pm, and we in a carpark of a pub! food and drink! ... shut for refurbishment! hahahaha

 

Turned out to be a faulty on/off switch on the switchpanel!

 

But the hill was great! blind bend! on a hill, my APC blocking the road! cars screaching and tooting! hand to get my friends out to direct traffic!

 

One less than helpfull so called mate had so much stuff in the rear i could not get to mu tools! thus raising my fury! then he just made wise cracks and didnt help!

And he is a mechanic( apparently) but as has been proved, he does not even know what points are .... if you cant put a diagnostic computer on it, he has no idea!

 

Dear me, what do they teach people nowdays?

 

 

[Marmite!!]

mines got to be east tilbury village in essex,blocked it for 2 hours, the buses were driving on the pavement to pass :roll:

 

Or if it happened here Stuart :roll: :roll:

 

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g10/saracenstump/cameraphotos1009.jpg[/img]

[saracenstump]

yep too many times!!!!!! :oops: :roll: :wink:

[Jack]

So - what odds are offered on:

 

1) how soon it happens :shake:

 

2) how high up the embarassment scale it will be :shake:

 

for poor old Jack!!!!

 

Neil/Degsy

 

LOL

 

Funny enough I was going to post this comment last weekend but then I realised that I had an event to attend on Sunday and I didn't want to chance my luck :-o 8-)

[AlienFTM]

Or if it happened here Stuart :roll: :roll:

 

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g10/saracenstump/cameraphotos1009.jpg[/img]

 

Have you ever tried putting a Sarry on a train? We used to load our ACVs onto train and Murphy's Law said that each entrain / detrain involved reversing the Can on or off. On a flatcar with sides there is no room for the steered wheels to turn before the vehicle is on its side on the tracks.

 

Careful is the word.

[Enigma]

way back from War and Peace 06.

 

While dropping a friend back to his car on some industrial estate, Pig started to gain a misfire, loss of power, now on roads i did not know, i was crossed with a hill, and a long one with lots of nice blind bend!

 

You guessed it! running on two! ground to a hault! got out, checked the fuel,changed to jerry can direct feed.. started! ran! lovely!

 

Off we went, same thing, but worse!

 

Stoppped, checked points, plugs, all ignition... fine, started ran! great!

 

mile later! engine cutting in and out, stalling! what the hell was it!

 

pulled into a pub layby! great! at least its 2pm, and we in a carpark of a pub! food and drink! ... shut for refurbishment! hahahaha

 

Turned out to be a faulty on/off switch on the switchpanel!

 

But the hill was great! blind bend! on a hill, my APC blocking the road! cars screaching and tooting! hand to get my friends out to direct traffic!

 

One less than helpfull so called mate had so much stuff in the rear i could not get to mu tools! thus raising my fury! then he just made wise cracks and didnt help!

And he is a mechanic( apparently) but as has been proved, he does not even know what points are .... if you cant put a diagnostic computer on it, he has no idea!

 

Dear me, what do they teach people nowdays?

 

 

 

I think I've seen and heard it!

Visible from the W&P grounds?

Lots of smoke and sounding like a crashing B-17...

Ah well, was a great performance art kinda thing.......

[saracenstump]

Have you ever tried putting a Sarry on a train? We used to load our ACVs onto train and Murphy's Law said that each entrain / detrain involved reversing the Can on or off. On a flatcar with sides there is no room for the steered wheels to turn before the vehicle is on its side on the tracks.

 

Careful is the word.

 

no not yet but when it went on the lowloader to get to the fort that was scary as i coudn't see anything but sky as i went on,you need trust in anyone whos guiding you