Stupid things on instruction manuals

[paul connor]

On Sears hair dryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

 

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

 

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

 

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

Serving suggestions: Defrost.

 

Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:

Do not turn upside down.

 

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

 

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

 

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

Warning: May cause drowsiness.

 

On most brands of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

 

On a Japanese food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

 

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: Contains nuts.

 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

 

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

 

On a Swedish chain saw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

 

On a toboggan:

Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

 

On a knife sharpener:

Caution: knives are sharp.

 

On shin pads for cyclists:

Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

 

On a take away coffee cup:

Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

 

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:

In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

 

In a microwave oven manual:

Do not use for drying pets.

 

On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:

Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.

 

On the bottom of a cola bottle:

Do not open here.

 

On a Harry Potter wizards broom:

This broom does not actually fly.

 

On a box of aspirin:

Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

 

On a bottle of laundry detergent:

Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

 

On a muffin packet:

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

 

In a kettle instruction manual:

The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.

 

On a ketchup bottle:

Instructions: Put on food.

 

On a bottle of rum:

Open bottle before drinking.

 

A car park sign:

Entrance only. Do not enter.

 

A sign in a street in Hong Kong:

Beware of people.

 

Rules on a tram in Prague:

Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

 

Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:

Take care: new non-slip surface.

 

On a can of air freshener:

For use by trained personnel only.

 

On a bottle of baby lotion:

Keep away from children.

 

On a pair of socks bought in egypt:

Do not wash.

 

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:

Some assembly required.

 

On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:

May irritate eyes.

 

On a Frisbee:

Warning: may contain small parts.

 

In a car handbook:

In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.

 

On a packet of cashew nut pieces:

Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.

 

Directions for mosquito repellant:

Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.

 

On a birthday card for a one year old:

Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

 

In a hotel bedroom:

Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

 

In a lift in a Japanese hotel:

Push this button in case anything happens.

 

On a toilet cleaning brush:

Do not use orally.

 

On a can of Spray paint:

Do not spray in your face.

 

On a TV remote:

Not Dishwasher safe.

 

On a blowtorch:

Not used for drying hair.

 

On a washing machine inn a launderette:

No small children.

 

On a bottle of hair dye:

Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

 

On a push along lawn mower:

Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

 

On a box of fireworks:

Do not put in mouth.

 

On the packaging for a wrist watch:

Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

 

In a dishwasher manual:

Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

 

On a toaster:

Do not use underwater.

 

On a mattress:

Do not attempt to swallow.

[Enigma]

 

On a Swedish chain saw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

 

 

Now why did they think it was nessecary to give the latter warning?

Is this tried often?

[ArtistsRifles]

On an amendment notice for a weapons manual (might have been the Charlie G - can't remember now) - "For sh*t read Shot!

[Tony B]

Found on a child's toy, a spiderman glove which shot out a sort of string from an aresol. On the can of goo, 'Keep out of reach of Children'

On the bottom of the wing tip light panel on BA 737's 'Instructions to open this panel are printed inside'.

Marked on a rifle barrel 'Warning, Do not point at foot when loaded'.

[abn deuce]

Basically at some point someone sued the manufacture of those products for doing something stupid and as a result of those lawsuites those warning had be included with the product at the insistence of the legal departments.

[Tony B]

There was a cartoon I saw once concerning a heavy truck half buruied in bits of paper. The driver was saying 'Now I've taken all the warning , saftey and drive green stickers off, I get an extra eight miles to the gallon'.

[woa2]

Basically at some point someone sued the manufacture of those products for doing something stupid and as a result of those lawsuites those warning had be included with the product at the insistence of the legal departments.

 

Yes, I seem to remember a driver successfully suing Winnebago because the drivers manual didn't say that you couldn't leave the drivers seat when you put the cruise control on. They crashed when the driver left the seat to go to the kitchen. There is now a sentence that says not to leave the drivers seat when using cruise control.

[Enigma]

Yes, I seem to remember a driver successfully suing Winnebago because the drivers manual didn't say that you couldn't leave the drivers seat when you put the cruise control on. They crashed when the driver left the seat to go to the kitchen. There is now a sentence that says not to leave the drivers seat when using cruise control.

 

Personaaly I think that twurp should have been convicted to 20 whiplashes for filing that kind of lawsuit.

[Tony B]

Don't our European friends ban cruise control? So saying during the petrol strikes some years back, I was in a filling station, they had LEADED in those days, and sold very little, great if you owned an old car. A very smart woman came in in a brand new Merc, demanding petrol. The guy at the counter said 'Sorry no unleaded left'.

 

'What's that then ' she said , pointing at the Disiel pump.

 

'That's Disiel'

 

'That will do, put that in'

 

'It won't work ina petrol engine'

 

'Why won't it work'

 

By this time i was admiring the guys patience. 'Because it will damage the engine'

 

'So what? My husband can afford another engine!'

 

The rest of the replies beconme unprintable.:-D

[Spood]

According to The Simsons American IBM's have "Point Away From Face" written on the side of them. :cool2:

[Tony B]

Like Mc Donald's 'Warning coffe may be hot'. When I look back.. :sleep:.... makes me wonder how I survived childhood!

[abn deuce]

I believe on the U.S Army Claymoore mine there is a label for its proper placement the dangerous side of course says "this side towards enemy"

[griff66]

ba wing tip nav light says re-lamping instructions printed inside remove this panel for access , had a look tonight!

[Tony B]

ba wing tip nav light says re-lamping instructions printed inside remove this panel for access , had a look tonight!

 

They must have changed the wording then, :-D Must have got fed up of people like me sniggering! It was several years ago now.

[antarmike]

On Universal Alcotip Swab 70% Isppropyl alchohol,

Instructions for use : Skin cleaning pad. [for external Use only]

Edited February 10, 2010 by antarmike

[griff66]

its the McDonnell's one thats the classic, warning contents very hot!, on the coffee cups! as always that stems from a daft american and a lawsuit.:cool2:

[woa2]

I believe on the U.S Army Claymoore mine there is a label for its proper placement the dangerous side of course says "this side towards enemy"

I understand this was done after some incidents where US troops in Vietnam used them the wrong way round with tragic results. Anyone confirm this?

[ford 369]

I understand this was done after some incidents where US troops in Vietnam used them the wrong way round with tragic results. Anyone confirm this?

 

wouldnt imagine anyone is around to admit this mistake

[Tony B]

Notice the case letters on a Claymore are raised! The idea of this was genuinly to make sure in the dark it was pointed the right way.

[ArtistsRifles]

I believe on the U.S Army Claymoore mine there is a label for its proper placement the dangerous side of course says "this side towards enemy"

 

Didn't the old 66mm LAW also have an arrow on it and the words "Aim towards Enemy"??

(Been so long now even that part of the memory is going......) :-(

[AlienFTM]

Didn't the old 66mm LAW also have an arrow on it and the words "Aim towards Enemy"??

(Been so long now even that part of the memory is going......) :-(

 

In March 1982, 15/19H were admin regiment for Vogelsang Training Area in the Schnee Eiffel on the German / Belgian border in the Ardennes. It actually probably only took a squadron to run the place, so by taking the whole regiment (less A Sqn - Close Recce and permanently detached to their battlegroups), most of us were able to spend time making use of the facilities.

 

One day I found myself on duty operator. Most of the traffic concerned infantry range statuses. Then up popped a NoDuff. Noduff was a message telling the net that this was a real, not an exercise message (and no DF-ing of the traffic was allowed because it was cheating - hence Noduff). The use of Noduff was not common and it resulted in everyong sitting up, taking notice and minimising traffic to give priority to Noduff traffic.

 

Basically it transpired that on the LAW range, an RAOC had fired off his 66 (M72?) with the weapon not properly locked open. (I never got to play with a 66, but basically AIUI, you opened it up, locked it, fired it and threw it away - after stamping on it to crush it to stop the empty weapon being put to any malicious use by anyone passing by later.) The result was that his arm was now hanging by a thread and might they have medical assistance please?

 

Well it all kicked off.

 

Soon it was lunchtime. Had I not been manning the command net, I'd have been in the back of the one-tonner with the rest of the FHQ corporals delivering lunches around all the ranges our regiment was using. Good job I wasn't. The driver lost it on a tight bend on a steep track down to a range. It rolled, several times and behaved like a dice-beaker, the hay boxes being the dice. I missed out on one of several broken bones. Picking up a Noduff message for the vehicle I might have been in was quite sobering.

[paul connor]

not very fitting to the "instructions" thread,maybe open a blog to write your days in the forces?

[ferretfixer]

Didn't the old 66mm LAW also have an arrow on it and the words "Aim towards Enemy"??

(Been so long now even that part of the memory is going......) :-(

 

Didnt say anything about NOT firing from windows of rooms or from inside cars/ vehicles either!...........:-X

[lightweight]

I have a chamois leather sponge for clearing the screen in the Defender - on the packet it advised me to wear eye protection when using it.

 

I haven't so far, but neither have I inadvertently poked myself in the eye with it. Frankly, given the things that you could poke yourself in the eye with, a sponge isn't highest on my list of concerns....

[fv1609]

If you fancy doing some cooking.