Neil, hard as it is your last duty is to your Farther's honour and dignity. Afterwards what ever you feel can show. Trouble is you can chose friends not families. I had similar problems, and know how hard to keep things in. Last time my I saw my brother, after my Mother's funeral, I was in a breath of putting him on his back. Since then never seen and no lose. The only thing you have to worry about is the love and respect of those who matter to you.