Those damn American Marines!!!

[MiketheBike]

The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

 

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

 

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude; you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone help me put this American in his place!"

 

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

[Bodge Deep]

:-D :-D :rofl: :rofl:

[ArtistsRifles]

On the subject of the French - and females:

 

(to be read in a heavy Fench accent...)

 

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

 

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

 

"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

 

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"

 

She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

 

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.

 

"Pierre!! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.

 

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

 

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"

 

Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and sets the cognac on fire.

 

Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

 

Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

 

[ian2b]

Excellent Neil, very good

[Snapper]

The French air force must get through a lot of cognac.

[Enigma]

Ah, the French....

We all love them...... :angel:

[AlienFTM]

The headmistress of the girls' school invited the legendary Polish fighter pilot, Uri Kowslowsky to give a talk about his exploits.

 

Uri stood before the assembled school and described how his squadron of Spitfires scrambled to intercept a large bomber force approaching the coast, protected by masses of fighters.

 

With much gesticulation with the hands to show how the areoplanes move relative to one another, he explained, "We gained altitude to get haight and come at the Fokkers from out of the sun so they wouldn't see us."

 

Needless to says, the girls all tittered. The headmistress interjected, "Of course as we all know, a Fokker is a make of German aeroplane. Please carry on Mr Kowslowsky."

 

"Yes indeed. Anyway we got up-sun but more Fokkers came from up-sun of us and attacked us. These Fokkers were Messerschimdts."

[MiketheBike]

Oh yes...reminds me ofthat cringeful interview on Des O'conner with Stan Boardman!! :-) :-) :-)