Warning Order

[andrewroberts.1953]

General Claus' Official Visit

 

1 An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2006. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

 

a Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of UKLF, Veterinary Services.

 

b Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2006. Uniform for the nap will be: Pyjamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from G1098 stores prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2006.

 

c Personnel will utilise standard ration sugarplums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

 

d Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2006, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

 

e At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2000, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Senior NCO's will familiarise all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

 

f Prior to 2400, 24 December 2006, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" posts. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these posts will be manned.

 

g ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, Mk-6, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus' driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid MOD F 256 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorised rooftop parking and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen."

 

2 MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, Number 2 Mk 3, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2006, and issued on MOD Form 3161, Request for Issue or Return.

 

3 Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of senior NCO's.

 

----------------------------------

 

[Enigma]

Guess I am going to be courtmarshalled.....

[Mark]

Nice one, very good :-D

[Bodge Deep]

I've only got a Chimney Simulator, Number 2 Mk 1

Does this mean he won't be coming? :-D

[Dougiebarder]

 

I'm afraid I'll have to stop this for health and safety reason's, If Dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen donner and blizen are going on, and comet and cupid are going up, there could be a serious accident!

Your friendly neighbourhood health and safety officer

Mr B'stard :-)

[Mrs Hardyferret]

:clap: :yay: :-D :yay: Very Good

[Mrs T20]

Excellent well done :-) :-) :-D