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Serious question for you.......some R&D.


Jack

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Maplins sell a 'portable car shower' . their advert says it can be powered by 4 D size batteries or from the vehicle . ready to use at the flick of a switch. Includes a suction mount shower head. Code is A63FN special offer price £9.99 reduced from £19.99 . Saw the advert in the Caravan Club magazine but for a tenner it has to be worth a try doesn't it ?

 

Dave

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A portable shower?

Something decent in the kitchen area of your tent?

Decent lighting?

Portable kitchen/stoves?

Depends how authentic you want to be.

 

Shower? After a week (two if no time arises on weekend 1), all pile into the back of a Landrover and head down to the nearest swimming pool. Remember to take a change of clothes. If you have a shrewd bargainer (Regimental Sergeants Major always are), negotiate a deal to use their shower. Otherwise, fork out for a swim session, have a throughly bliddy good shower before you enter the water (a good Forrest Gump in the traps beforehand will be particularly comfortable if you don't like Tardises), enjoy the seesion swimming then have another shower on the way out. Cleam clothes on, dirty clothes in bin bag and Roberto the Latin long distance lorry driver is yer mother's live-in lover. (Bob's yer uncle.) On the way back, try to avoid dusty roads which will leave you no cleaner than when you left.

 

Live on Composite rations for the duration. For total authenticity, use a No 1 Petrol Cooker, but these render everything black and manky. A Calor Gas or similar double burner is an adequate and authentic alternative (the MBC bleach slurry decontaminant mount on the back door of a Sultan is a good size to carry a large gas bottle. Better yet, acquire a Boiling Vessel and drop the unopened tins in. Do not allow the tins to overheat and explode - they make a nasty mess of the inside of the BV, and an even nastier mess of a tank turret if the BV lid goes ... The BV has mythical status among RAC soldiers and alumni, so much so that CR2 must be better because it has always come with a BV, whereas the Americans have only recently realised what makes CR2 better than Abrams and retrofitted BVs to them. Being of such legendary status, however, they are about as common as rocking horse droppings. If you eat the entire daily ration of Compo provided (which requires that you be provided eggs where possible and a starchy foodstuff, either bread or potatoes, and water obviously), you will find the effect on your alimentary canal, as designed, is well balanced. But it is no mean feat to eat an entire day's supply of Compo in 24 hours AND fight a war.

 

Lighting? A right-angled torch will light up your tent sufficiently to rummage around in your large pack. Alternatively, use no lighting, develop your night vision, learn to look out of the corner of your eye (where the rod / cone balance is less optimised for daytime) and walk around tactically. If someone shines a torch in your face, close one eye in an attempt to save the night vision and scream, "PUT THAT LIGHT OUT!" In a Hodgesque Dad's Army Way. While you are giving himm a hard time (after he has put his light out), ask him who he is so you can give him a good bollicking. If the reply is, "It's me," tell him, "There are 60 million 'me's in this country: which one are you?"

 

You didn't ask about toilet facilities. Remember the eternal rhetorical RAC question, "Do cavalrymen sh!t in the woods?"

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