Snapper

As long as theres no pugilism on my table. The last paper bag I punched my way out of is in the British Museum.

You too? Mine asked for 50,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwean dollars. I sent them a book of second class stamps and they were quite happy. I'm not quite sure why Mr Mugabe claims Britain wants to have Zimbabwe because most of it appears to be living in the UK already. Very nice people, actually. I'm not breaking the rules per se, but we were talking about the raving mad. Self included. Which leaves us with the Dancing Girls. When last seen they were helping Graham Norton look for Nancies. It's a thought that tickles Terry Wogan, atleast. But there's an image to conjure. Nearly as bad as that rainy night with Joris and the Soduku Queen, the Dorsets, RCubed and Rosemary, Debbie McGhee and a bundle of Clive Stevens soggy doughnuts....oh and me. What was that flipping beer called again, Mr Admin?

Wonderful.

Agree totally. But it's also a chance to do something totally different and my mates will get w4nkered, so we all win. M

I actually suffer bouts of intense migraine and depression brought on by head injuries suffered as a toddler and from a motor rally spectating accident in 1984. So I vere from common sense to complete and utter lunacy at the drop of a painkiller. People get used to it. I'd love to have my brain restored, but they haven't invented the science yet. Thank heaven for biscuits, family and places like this to maintain the equilibrium. The doctor is in M

My late aunt Jean inherited the copyright (or part) of the Gracie Fields frightener "Biggest Aspydestra In The World" which used to get played on the Light programme before someone at the BBC looked up "light" in a dictionary. She used to get about sixty quid a year off the PRS who sent reams of paper showing the uses on the radio. No mention of garages, though. Just think of poor Keef and Mick, Yoko and Paul, Sting and cast of thousands missing out on a few bob because evil garage owners play radios in their hideaways under railway arches or on industrial estates. Do they charge prisons? Pete Doherty can make money while he lags... These strictures are actually to protect the more humble composers - the jobbers and workadays who need to coin. I suppose it's similar to the ruccas over pirate DVDs and music on the web. Jean had Alzheimer's and we never found reference to this musical feast amongst her papers. We never found any cutlery knives either. It was her Renault 5 Lee is blowing up in May. Jean died last July aged 84. God bless her. MB

Stryker James won't agree. But he's fifteen and it's only money. My money. MB

This could lead to a whole new board. Who needs motor mechanics when you have the mind of the spannerack? I'd love to expand on this but my wife has told me to stop. Party on........... Barnes:cool2:

Page 14 for Steve (Jessie to those he owes money) with his jeep and flying togs. Part of an article on tracing vehicle histories. Steve doesn't do autographs. Mr David May is on page 13 with his Unimog. Same feature.

As that still there? Famous for the sixteen year old killed in 1915 and buried at Berkshire Corner on the Armentieres-Ypres road. Sorry, I digress and the poor kid is so famous I've forgotten his name. :coffee: what happened to the Off Topic smiley. I've been off topic since the wife banned me from eating chocolate. Barnes

Steve Carr is the star this month and next month the Gosling mafia are in full effect. I really could do with getting some stuff in it. Maybe John will let me do some snaps at Kelvedon. BTW, Lee - do you mean you're blowing my Renault up twice??? What did the Regie do to you in a past life? Note the seemless way he merges posts as if he owns the place. Barnes

Lucky you, I had the WORST cumberland sausages I've ever eaten at lunchtime. Thank heavens for chocolate. But the idea of dancing girls dipped in the stuff has merit. Reminds me of that Deacon Blue song. Oh well....

Combat Stress is a MoD supported charity offering succour to the folks who've had a hard time of it in recent years. The black tie event at Wellington Barracks includes some army boxing matches (no interest to me),auctions and so on. One of my top mates, a former Royal Anglian sergeant, paid a grand for our table and there will be ten of us basically getting w4nkered in one of the messes or wherever. I hope I don't spend all my Beltring money. MB

It's still possible to see feint traces of the cammo on the former Stoke Newington Town Hall (now plain old assembly rooms since Hackney expanded in 1965). MB

Good man, make it spektackliar. What day, though? My mob of Southend idiots wait with baited breath. Incidentally we'll all be at Wellington Barracks for the Combat Stress charity evening on May 1. Anyone else going? MB

dunno why they didn't just pay the flippin window cleaner...

Millennium Falcon?

I've got an Indiana Jones hat and I look more like Gerald Ford than Harrison. Or even Old Ford, where the no 8 Routemaster used to go. M

That was last year. Didn't you see the Southend Yellow Advertiser? (I've not worked out where things in other colours get sold). They fitted me in between the usual blend of stolen video recorders and missing cats. I did make a special live appearance at the Sutton Arms in Southend last year, reprising the joyous sounds of the Blues Brothers. Unfortunately a loose affiliation of angry lesbians, some working girls and my own friends terminated the performance (powered by Guinness). It all ended rather messily when the pub manager strolled naked through the adjacent indian restaurant, thus spoiling my supper and leaving a trainspotter from Pickering totally bewildered. Only last month, my son's band played live at the pub with wholly more acceptable results. No lesbians were offended, children injured or careers threatened. MB

I flogged them on Milweb

Where else will you get stuff like this? A seemless drift from Mr Langham mucking around in the snow to peers smelling of wee? I'm still waiting for when CMV is guest publication on HIGNFY Dave rules M

I'm sure you looked more like seventies footballers. It's difficult to put a locale or ID much. Jocks probably, India maybe. Give it time, more people need to see it. MB

Advice from my father in law: Take more water with it.

Yes It Did!

Back on again now for take off by the look of it. I've been sidelined cos we've got Boris Johnson in the office.