General Mayhem

Dear Marge,

Er, pardon me, run that by me again: Babe magnet? How many owners of volumptuous cleavages have leant into your Jeep and said: "Nice wheels mister?" Now if you were saying that about a Harley, I could give it some credence, now that is a kerb crawling, chromium plated, f*nny pulling, babe magnet. But a Jeep, sexy? Everything else I agree with, I'd love one, but Babe Magnet? Puh..leaze.

With apologies to Don McLean. A long long time ago..........I can still remember how computers used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make electrons dance, and maybe I'd be happy for a while. But January made me shiver, it chilled me deep down in my liver, bad news I collected, I couldn't get connected. I can't remember back that day, when I first heard of the Y2K But something touched me anyway, the day computers died. So bye, bye, the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry, And good old boys were sending e-mail replies, Saying, this will be the day I retire, this will be the day I retire. Can you write in C-plus, plus? And do you have faith in your local bus, if the driver tells you so? Do you believe in Compaq's goals? Can software save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to type......real slow? Well I thought that you were prepared, Cause your memo said you weren't impaired. Your stationery's swell, but you can go to hell. I was a lonely teenage UNIX hack, with an incantation and a modem jack, But I knew the cat had left the sack, the day.........computers died. I started singin'.......Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi. Ran my PC on some DC, but the voltage was dry, And good old boys were sending e-mail replies. Saying this will be the day I retire, this will be the day I retire. Now for ten years we have ignored the threat, and we haven't solved the problem yet, But that's not how it used to be. When the luddites read for the King & Queen, With a light they filled with kerosene, And some manuals they stole from you and me. And while Bill Gates was looking pleased, time stole his monopolies, The courtroom was adjourned, No verdict was returned. While Apple tried for a colour scheme, The engineers, returned to steam, And we had purges of their dreams, The day computers died. We were singing, bye, bye to the next digit of Pi, Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry, and good old boys were sending e-mail replies, Saying this will be the day I retire, this will be the day I retire. Intel inside an iron smelter, The food left over from my fallout shelter, Twinkies old and ageing fast, I'd rather eat the grass. Q & A tried for a systems crash, With the tester on the sidelines in a cast. Now the timeshare net was running Doom, While mainframes played a marching tune, We all tried to log in, Oh, but we never could begin. Cause COBOL tried to take the field, And Holerith refused to yield, Do you recall what was revealed? The day computers died. We started singing, bye, bye to the next digit of Pi. Ran some PC on my DC but the voltage was dry, and good old boys were sending e-mail replies, Saying this will be the day I retire, this will be the day I retire. There we were all in a state, generation really late, With no time left to start again. So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick, Don't let my spreadsheet data stick, Cause data is the Devil's only friend. And as I watched him on my screen, My hands and face were drenched in steam, No Angel born in Hell, could run that stupid shell. And as the ball climbed high into the night, To call the sacrificial right, I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight, The day computers died. I met a girl.......with a cell phone, And asked her for a dial tone, But she just smiled and turned away, I went down to the computer store, where I'd seen computers years before, But the man there said the games there wouldn't play. And in the streets the children screamed, The lovers cried and the poets dreamed, their interface was spoken, the internet was broken. And the three things I connect to the most, The website, LAN and the Network host, Every single one was toast, The day computers died. They were singing, bye, bye to the next digit of Pi. Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry, And good old boys were sending e-mail replies, Saying this will be the day I retire, this will be the day I retire.

I have never been to the Dorset steam fair, despite living only twenty miles from the ground. But if the weather holds I might just change my mind. This is one local that approves of the petty vehicle choices, you can't, by law, say the obvious. I would like to live and let live, but a couple of years ago, some members of said community, relieved me of a few thousand litres of diesel. I still have the tape, much good that is.

I agree, I am not suggesting that you go about upsetting the paying public, although I can be clumsy in the way I try to put a point across, what I am trying to say is: Don't be put off by the fact that some will thank you profusely for a memorable show, while others will say: Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Smile and think because I organised it, I put the hours in and I have the final say, that's ******* why!

Sorry, but there isn't a perfect show. The postings on this thread prove it, that's not to say that you can't take on board all that is said. But human nature being what it is, you please one means you upset another. Just do the best you can, learn by experience and just remember: "It's my show, that's why!"

You are all the most witty interpreters, so, what caption would you put to this?

Bet he didn't get that at MFI

Go to the top of the class Mr GI Blues.

Do they? It's not the answer. I have to go and rescue one of my drivers now, I'll be back later. I am trying to think of a clue that's not going to make it too easy. This number has just about the strongest military connection that you can think of.

Ah Grasshopper, I see you have caught the binary plague. I suppose they are all numbers under 10, but that's not the answer. As for rainfall, that zero was the predicted rainfall for Purbeck this weekend, looking out of the window it looks like it's going to be Glastonbury mud slides again. So not the answer, but I like your humour. The number is TOPICAL.

While you are all trying to solve the mystery object, which I am convinced is one of those Chinese puzzles you get in Christmas crackers, can you solve this? What is the significance of these eight digits? 5 3 3 1 0 7 6 1

When I said: "You mate the gearbox to the drive line," that's not what I had in mind.

W.H.Smith took £10.34 off me today, I went in for our local evening paper, 35pence, and spent another £9.99 on a brilliant book called: "More Senior Moments." It's a collection of anecdotes from professionals, criminals, landed gentry and the great unwashed. It's written by Shelley Klein and the publisher is Michael O'Mara Books. Now you are going to tell me that the first book, "Senior Moments," was reviewed here before I discovered the site. Hope not. I know there's a thread at the moment about opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, ( http://www.hmvf.co.uk/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=38&topic=4891.0 ) but this is more along the lines of, well, senior moments. For example: Scoobster posted a thread about driving licences in which he clearly states when he passed his test and the licence category that he holds. Ha! Here is something on which I am on firm ground, I own and run a fleet of heavies, so what do I do? Ask him when he passed his test. Does this happen to everyone? You get to the top of the stairs and only remember what you went up for just as you reach the bottom, or worse, part way up and you wonder if you were going up or coming down. From the book: On a transatlantic flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out of the window. Being completely dark, all she could see, was the blinking wing tip navigation light. Finally she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that he has left his left indicator on, and that it has been on for some time."

Is it the source of inspiration that gave Ian Fleming the idea of Bond's ejector seat Aston? My mother always said I was a whimsical child.

Even a mechanical dimwit like me can tell you that it doesn't look anything like Jack!

Towing mechanism, circa 1930's

I am assuming from your posting and the responses that you are UK based and therefore come within the remit of UK law. The answer about the authorities being unhelpful forgot to add that they like to keep you hanging on the phone for so long that you hang up in frustration. I run my own distribution business, my fleet includes seven & a half tonners and above. I can probably help with questions about Operator's licencing, driving licences and the like. My knowledge of military vehicles however, is very limited. I would need to know every detail of said vehicle, chapter and verse, to give you the information you need. For example, a 3500kg gross means exactly that. If, for instance, someone bought a delivery van for conversion to a camper. All the fixtures and fittings, plus the unladenweight of the van, plus the fuel, plus the occupants, plus their luggage, plus anything else you load onto it, MUST NOT exceed 3500kg. It's unlikely that you would be caught for such an infringement, but as mentioned previously, if you should be involved in a collision, whether you were culpable or not, an overweight vehicle can make your insurance null and void. If you want any info about your driving licence and what you can or can't drive with it, I would need to know, when you passed your driving test. You may have what is known as "Grandfather Rights," to drive up to 7500kg. Just going to straighten my head, you posted those details. Doh! :banghead:

Port-a-loo :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

She should consider herself lucky! Being a Skoda, there could have been jam and sponge everywhere.

F.A.N.Y.

Oh, are we are back to the acronyms? Run Away Matron's Coming?

It's like putting reversing lights on tanks!

Duty free? :whistle:

There are probably loads of UK sites where you might get the info you are looking for, but this US site is second to none. Try it. http://www.khakicorpsimports.com/cat-wheel-pig.htm