Ok I think I got it sorted...well it hasn't burst into smoke yet ;-)
Seems to me that W1and W2 spades are the relay activation and they work when you put power across either - but I stayed with W2 as ground as that appears to be the one previously.
Load goes between the spades marked C - again it seems to function either way.
What confused me as well was that the relay was dead until I noted the power feed comes from the Infra Red switch... as soon as the battery cut off switch is in the "on position" ... (a previous electrical short made this seem good idea to install - which proved a great investment and probably saved the truck ) then the relay is active immediately - regardless of ignition switch position. (But power was not there until the Infra red switch and been worked on and off a few times - I suspect the short fused its terminals a little...or lack of use....
Anyway - I have lights etc [ftp][/ftp]...thanks to all who looked and commented...
Steve