When we were young

[Caddy]

When I first started working full time I did a lot of agency work in factories, workshops, golf courses, etc. There would always be some witty Noel Coward type who would try to get us temps / apprentices / hairy-handed-sons-of-toil to do something stupid.

So did you get the rainbow paint experience?

I was sent out for a long weight, so I had a lovely cup of tea and biccy in the local cafe before returning. Much to the annoyance of Mr Coward, and the amusment of everyone else. Especially when I sad that I thought 30 minutes was a long wait...

[AlienFTM]

When I first started working full time I did a lot of agency work in factories, workshops, golf courses, etc. There would always be some witty Noel Coward type who would try to get us temps / apprentices / hairy-handed-sons-of-toil to do something stupid.

So did you get the rainbow paint experience?

I was sent out for a long weight, so I had a lovely cup of tea and biccy in the local cafe before returning. Much to the annoyance of Mr Coward, and the amusment of everyone else. Especially when I sad that I thought 30 minutes was a long wait...

 

I was dead lucky. In RAC Basic Training I had already done RMP Basic (before telling them where they could shove their truncheons, but that's another story). RMP were far too straight-laced to pull stunts, but I learnt how to be what Andy McNab always calls the grey man. RAC Basic was a doddle.

 

I joined the regiment running in Omagh as a section rifleman. Stop me if I have told this one before. Day 1 and I was officially issued 40 rounds of 7.62 (4B1T) for the SLR. Section Lance Jack promptly took one ball round and replaced it with a yellow-tipped round. Incendiary, I was informed. This not not a war according to the Geneva Convention. Top off your first mag with a trace round followed by the incendiary. When you shout "Watch my trace" we'll see it, and when you fire the second, the incendiary, we'll be in no doubt.

 

Fast forward to the end of the tour. We were about to hand back our ammo. "Psst Franky, what about the incendiary?"

"Incendiary?" I held out the yellow-tipped round.

 

He scratched off the Humbrol. "Wahhhhhh!"

 

By the time we left Omagh I was an accepted member of the troop, there was a lot of churn in the Orbat as we reroled onto CVR(T) and any question of my being the New-In-Green member was forgotten as all the under-aged ex-brats ... I mean Junior Leaders ... were allowed to join the regiment.

[Tony B]

Now use this loupe (Delibratley smeared) to exam the piece. 'I can't get it to focus'. So screw it around till it does. Then spend the rest of the day with a ring of Prussian blue around your eye. Not to mention the bucket of holes, the glass hammer and the 9/8' inch screw.

[Enigma]

I worked in a outdoor sailing school.

Temps were usualy sent to (hopefully the translations make sense)

-Paint waterlines on the boats.

-Look for the fillercap of the coolboxes

-Replace batterys in the weathervanes.

[Hoseman]

I started out in a Butchers and they had some crackers!

Go the shop and buy a ......

 

Left Handed Screwdriver

 

Tin of Tartain Paint

 

Bucket of steam to clean the floors

 

A long stand to hang the meat on (normally sent to the other butchers down the road who kept you for an hour!!!)

 

Others ive seen are.....

 

Bubble for the Spirit Level

 

Sparks for the Grinder

 

Sky blue pink paint

[mcspool]

Ah yes:

 

hammer handle grease

 

a box of spark plug sparks

 

and then some..... usually good for at least half an hour time off

[Tony B]

I worked in a outdoor sailing school.

Temps were usualy sent to (hopefully the translations make sense)

-Paint waterlines on the boats.

-Look for the fillercap of the coolboxes

-Replace batterys in the weathervanes.

 

Don't forget the red oil for the port lamp while you about! :-D Another classic from a guy I used to work with. He'd wait till you walked by with a cup of tea in bothe hands and ask 'What's the time?' It was suprising how many people automatically turned thier wrist to see thier watch.

Edited July 2, 2013 by Tony B

[private mw]

what about a skirting board ladder . :-)

[Lauren Child]

Sky hooks to hold things up (always out of stock). Long stands for stability, often with a Long weight to counterbalance. Took ages to find them at the stores. Left handed screwdrivers.

 

Then there's all the fun of units of measure. Order 3 bags of 100 cable ties. Get 3 cable ties.... Order 30 screws, get 30 boxes of 1000.

 

Recording Measurements -

Speed in atto-parsecs per micro-fortnight (about an inch per second if I remember right - a parsec is 3.26 light years and atto is the multiplier for divided by 10 to the power of 18).

Distance in Light nanoseconds (approximately the length of a 30cm/12in ruler).

Beauty in MilliHelens (the precise amount of beauty to launch 1 ship)

[g0ozs]

Early in my career I remember coming back to the office from the lab before lunch to find a message pad on my desk "Please call Mr. C. Lyon on 01 xxx yyyy". I duly called and spoke to a very nice telephonist at London Zoo who gently explained I had been the victim of a practical joke ......

[andym]

When at RNEC Manadon in the 1970's one of my friends went to the Plymouth branch of Halfords and asked for an AC battery. The unfortunate assistant looked all through the catalogue but each suggestion was turned down because they were DC batteries. In the end he offered to order us one for collection the next week ... :-)

 

Andy

[Caddy]

I once got my wife to believe that reebok got their name after a certain type of moth after she saw a rather beautiful moth which looked like it had been made out of trainer material.

Also once I got so fed up with a temp who couldn't even pull a weed out of the ground that I sent him out with a bag and litter picker to collect all the leaves. He did it as well.

[Enigma]

At work a colleque told a temp to get some mid-air anchors.

I instantly understood and jumped in on the joke.

 

So in a stern voice I told my collegue he should specify if he needed a lefthanded or righthanded one, other wise the temp would be a bit embarresed in the shop.

 

The temp. believed me and prompt went out to get one...

[AlienFTM]

Next door (upstairs) neighbour was REME attached 5DG on Chieftain. He told us what had happened that day in Imphal Bks, Osnabruck.

 

Two new VMA postings-in, a corporal and a new in green craftsman, fresh off the bus from the air-trooping flight into Gutersloh. Get shown to accommodation, throw on a pair of coveralls and head off down to the tank park. They find the LAD and introduce themselves.

 

"Before you go any further, have you worked on Chieftain equipped with with laser range finders before? No. Then you'd both best get up the Medical Centre for a sight test. Fail the sight test, you might as well get back on the plane." The two start to trudge up the hill to the Medical Centre.

 

LAD phone ahead. They arrive at the Medical Centre where the RAMC Sergeant sets about testing them. They both fail. "Best get across the the Orderly Room and sort out flights back to the UK." They set off toward the Orderly Room.

 

The Medical Centre phone ahead. "We cannot organise you flights back until you've done clearance. Pay Office is that way." They walk off down the corridor in the direction of the Pay Office.

 

The Orderly Room phone ahead. The Pay Office give them a Leaving form, to be signed by all departments to say they are cleared to be struck off strength. First department on the list is their normal place of work (the LAD). They start to trudge back down the hill to the LAD where they are met.

 

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

To be fair, they reckoned the corporal had cottoned on fairly early and played along, but the CFN was heartbroken.